Blog #12 | Part 3: Difficult Conversations: What to Say When it Feels Like You're Walking on Eggshells

How to Break the Tension Cycle

When every conversation feels loaded with potential conflict, it's tempting to stick to surface-level topics. But shallow conversations can make the relationship feel hollow and distant.

Topics That Often Trigger Conflict:

• Their Relationships: Comments about their partner, dating life, or marriage decisions 

• Career Choices: Questioning their job, suggesting "better" opportunities, or expressing worry about their financial future 

• Parenting (if they have children): Offering advice about your grandchildren or comparing their parenting to yours

• Lifestyle Choices: Weight, appearance, living situation, or spending habits

  
  

Express Concern withoutJudgment:

Use "I" Statements: "I've been thinking about you and wondering how you're managing..." instead of "You should..."

Ask Permission: "I have some thoughts about this. Would you like to hear them?" gives them control.

Focus on Feelings, Not Solutions: "That sounds really stressful" validates their experience without trying to fix it.

Acknowledge Their Competence: "You know yourself better than anyone" or "You've managed difficult situations before" shows confidence in their judgment.

How to Respond When They Share Problems:

Listen First: Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or share similar experiences from your own life.

Validate Their Emotions: "That would be frustrating" or "I can understand why you'd feel upset about that."

Ask What They Need: "What would be most helpful right now—brainstorming solutions or just having someone understand?"

Keep the Tone Upbeat and Honest:

Stay Curious, Not Judgmental: Approach their choices with genuine interest in understanding their perspective.

Admit When You're Wrong: If you realize you've overstepped, apologize quickly and specifically.

End on a Positive Note: Even difficult conversations can conclude with "I love you" or "I'm glad we could talk about this."

When They Won't Talk at All

If your adult child has shut down communication:

• Send occasional brief messages without expecting responses

• Focus on positive memories or things that made you think of them

• Avoid bringing up your relationship problems with them in these messages

• Be patient—rebuilding trust takes time

  
  

In Part4 of this series, we’ll talk about how to rebuild trust and move the relationship forward when it feels broken.  Thank you for reading my blog. I hope this information was helpful.  If you want to talk, click below to book your free 30-minute consultation.  Cheryl

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References and Further Reading

1. YouGov national survey: "One in four Americans are estranged from a family member" (NPR, December 2023)

2. Talkspace: "Parent-Child Estrangement: Common Causes and How to Cope" (2025)

3. Pew Research Center: "The Growing Pains of Young Adulthood" (2024)

4. Pew Research Center: "Parents' Relationships with Young Adult Children" (2024)

5. PMC (PubMed Central): "The effects of parental care and psychological control on well-being throughout adulthood" (2015)

6. Communications Psychology: "Parent-child relationship quality and adult well-being: Global Flourishing Study" (2024)

7. Coleman, J. "Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict" (Harmony Books, 2021)

8. PMC (PubMed Central): "Tensions in parent-adult child relationships and communication patterns" (2015)

9. Gilbertson, T. "Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child: Practical Tips and Tools to Heal Your Relationship" (New Harbinger Publications, 2020)